According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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