the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
