dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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