They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
