Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
