If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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