...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
