ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
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