Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
