Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
