Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
