I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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