The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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