I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
