i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
