The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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