Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
