I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
