You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
