hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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