I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
