Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My cat gives me a boner
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
