I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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