i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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