Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i think i have two assholes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
