My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
