Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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