she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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