ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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