I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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