i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
