dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
