Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
