he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize