I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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