I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
