the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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