I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
