my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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