listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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