so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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