She announced her abortion via fbk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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