Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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