My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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