i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
