i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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