i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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