there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
