and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
