She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
