Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
