why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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