its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
