All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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