So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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