If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
