Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
