You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
