I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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