My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
