how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
