so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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