So drunk, too bad you don't want this
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
