if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
